Stressed Beyond Belief

While parenthood definitely has it's wonderful moments, it is definitely filled will worry and stress. You are constantly worrying about your children and wondering if they are learning everything they are supposed to be learning, if you are giving them each enough attention to make them feel loved, how to discipline them so they get the message and not have it borderline abuse (haha), if they are eating enough to be growing healthily...the list goes on and on. And that's just on the basic level, then you have each child's needs and wants to worry about.
Lately, my stress level seems to be through the roof. Thankfully, it doesn't seem to be affecting my body. My blood pressure is as normal as ever and my weight gain is steady too (not too happy about that one, but I guess it's important for a healthy pregnancy). But my mind is racing...it makes for some pretty depressing days.
Brandon showed me a study where they were testing how journal writing can affect your peace of mind. Not surprisingly, writing in a journal is good for you! Haha So here's hoping I get some piece of mind writing down some things going through my mind.
So first off the most obvious, having a new baby. Surprisingly, I am not worried at all about labor. After doing this three times before, I know what to expect and, fortunately my me, the epidural works wonders with no bad side affects. Part of me would like to experience the miracle of a natural childbirth, but the logical side of me says why suffer all that pain when the epidural makes for a much more pleasant experience. What is really stressing me is having a new baby when my oldest is only 4. There is so much that David still needs right now. He's old enough to do somethings by himself, but not old enough to fend for himself which I'm worried he might have to do for awhile since I will be busy tending to the needs of a helpless newborn and his younger brothers. I don't want him to feel neglected. I don't want any of them to feel neglected.
I'm also worried about being physically prepared for a baby girl. There are a lot of things you need for a baby...which we would totally be covered if this baby was another boy, but I feel like this is my first child all over again! Brandon is totally fine with putting her in her brothers' clothes, but not me! But I'm terrified to go too crazy because there is this little whisper of doubt that she is not truely a girl. I know that sounds silly after having three ultrasounds all saying a girl, but you have no idea how many people have told me stories about someone they knew, or it happening to them, where they were told girl multiple times and the baby still came out to be a boy! With our track record, it scares me silly!
Another reason for this little whisper of doubt is the fact that we can't settle on a name...I know my last post was saying how I found her name and everything, but then Brandon decided to veto it. Sigh. So for the last couple of months we have been frantically searching for a name we both agree on. It hasn't really been going well...so in the back of my mind, I'm thinking "is this a sign? Is there a reason we can't find her name? Could it be because she is really a he?"
Then there is Gabe. We have been struggling with Gabe's weight from like 5 months on. We've been going to monthly doctor visits just to check his weight and he barely is gaining anything. There have been times when he has lost weight or hasn't gained anything at all, and the times he does gain it's only a couple ounces at a time. The doctors want us to give him all these rich food to help give him the calories to gain, but he's such a picky eater that I can only get a few certain things into him. This last time we went in they did a urine test to check his protein levels and to see if he's diabetic. Sadly, he pooped as well and contaminated the urine so we'll most likely have to do that test again. So those thoughts are weighing on my mind...if he is diabetic, how are we going to handle that as well as a newborn? He doesn't look like he's low weight...he's just a petite little boy, but after all the doctor visits it begins to wear on you.
These are just a couple of things on my mind...but I'm afraid if I try to write down everything that is stressing me out you might be sitting in front of your computer for days reading through my worries and troubles, which would probably be totally boring and depressing for you. And looking back at what I've written, the things that are stressing me are normal things that any pregnant woman with only a month left would be stressing about. But for me, since I'm going through it, it feels so overwhelming! I am so done with this pregnancy!